I Hate That I Always Have to Come Out of the Closet

Why is being heterosexual the default?

Itxy Lopez
5 min readSep 2, 2019


Photo by Isi Parente on Unsplash

In a perfect world, no one would care about who you loved.

You would walk past small shops and people walking their dogs, hand in hand with your girlfriend. No one would care that you were also a girl.

You wouldn’t think twice about wrapping an arm around your boyfriend or looking strangers in the eye when you pass them by on the sidewalk because you too are a man.

But this isn’t a perfect world.

In this world, there’s a girl who’s still afraid to hold her girlfriend’s hand. There are two men who can’t give each other a small peck on the lips without worrying if someone will say something.

We can’t come home and announce we’re dating someone of the same sex. We need to go through an entire coming out process first.

That’s what this entire story boils down to — the process of coming out.

If you’ve never had to come out of the closet — it’s terrifying. Your heart’s pumping, you’re palms are sweaty, and you wonder if the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally really do love you no matter what.

You have to announce it with tears in your eyes and make a big deal out of something that shouldn’t have to be a big deal.

Voices are screams in your head, and all of them tell you to stop, but you don’t want to back down. You’re tired of hiding. Of pretending.

And then you just do it. Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it doesn’t.

Either way, whether your family still loves you or your parents kick you out of your home, there will always be someone else you have to come out to.

Always having to come out is unfair

Photo by Brian Patrick Tagalog on Unsplash

After you’ve come out to your parents, you bump into other family members and friends, or you make new friends, and you have to come out all over again.



Itxy Lopez

I’m a self-discovery writer: I write as I grow, make mistakes, and learn.