Running a personal blog is all I’ve known for three years. So, last month, when I realized I didn’t want to run a blog anymore, I started freaking out.
My future revolved around my website. I had dreams of becoming a big influencer, creating online courses, becoming an affiliate for others, selling merch, and doing all the things bloggers do.
But I realized, those dreams weren’t really mine. I was only trying to reach those goals and do those things because that’s what other bloggers were doing.
Still, the idea of letting go of the plans I’d had for my future terrified me. Who would I be without a blog?
I was already writing on Medium, but it didn’t matter. My blog was me — my brand, my plans, my future.
I finally understood the fear people get when they decide to change careers. I didn’t want to be a blogger anymore, but I did want to keep writing — on Medium, and maybe soon, books.
Of course, that scares me too.
The stress of not knowing where your life is headed
There’s never a guarantee of success when you pursue a new venture.
So far, I grow on Medium every month, but will I plateau? Will I ever actually reach my goals?
And writing books? Talk about risk.
Writing my first book could take years, and I could try to look for an agent and take the traditional publishing path, but will I even get published? How many books will it take until I make it — if I ever make it?
The questions are endless.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life.
As I said, I know I want to write books, but that’s not all I want. I want more. I just don’t know what more looks like, and that petrifies me.
If I don’t know where I’m going, then what the hell am I doing?
The freaking out was getting too much, so I reminded myself of one thing that ceased the doubts and fears:
Focus on the now. You don’t always need to know where you’re headed.
The future doesn’t always matter
People say that if you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll just going to wander and waste time heading nowhere. It’s why we need goals and a vision of what we want for ourselves and who we want to become.
That’s great advice we should follow — I’m not saying it’s not. However, the future doesn’t always matter.
Figuring out what you want your life to look like is a part of the game.
You don’t waste time by not having direction as long as you’re trying something. If you have no sense of who you are or where you want to go, but you sit at home watching Netflix all day, then that’s an issue.
However, if you’re taking cooking classes and learning graphic design because you want to know what you like, you’re doing it right.
Don’t worry about what the future looks like if you’re trying to figure out how you want to live it.
Focus on the now
Focus on what you’re learning.
Focus on becoming a great cook, and if halfway you realize you don’t want to do it anymore, move on to something else.
If you realize you actually really like graphic design, keep learning. Once you know enough, if you want to start making money with it, go for it. At some point in time, you’ll reach the point when you say, “I want to do this for a living.”
That’s when you start setting goals. That’s when you’ll figure out if you’ll work for someone or start your own business. You’ll decide what kind of company you’ll work for or what your website will look like.
I’m focusing on Medium now. I’m not a hundred percent sure about my future, but I know what my goals are for this. For now, that’s what matters.
If a new opportunity I know in my gut I have to grasp comes along, I will. If I start dreading working on this platform, I’ll move on.
But for now, this is what I want. This is where I want to earn a living, so I’m going to give it my all and not focus on anything else.