Have you ever felt guilty for not loving what you do now when you were a child?
For example, some successful writers have talked about how they would write short stories in their notebooks after school, or that they loved words from the time they could speak, and what not. Sometimes, when my you’re-not-a-real-writer insecurities kick in, these stories pick at said insecurities, and they make me feel even more self-conscious as a writer.
Perhaps that sounds a little ridiculous, but hey, basically all insecurities are.
When I was a kid, I had zero interest in writing
I didn’t dislike writing essays in school, but I didn’t look forward to them either, such as some writers proclaim they did. Those writers loved writing essays. They knew from the very beginning that they enjoyed writing, that they had a passion for it — without knowing what a passion even was.
When my insecurities are at their highest peak, these stories and reminders make me believe that I am not meant to be a writer because I didn’t love it as a kid.
When people write articles or talk about finding your passion, they tell you to think back to what you loved as a child because what you loved before is most likely what you love now.
So, I think back over and over again, but there was nothing involved with writing in my childhood. Do you know what I loved when I was younger? Drawing. I loved it with everything in me, and I drew all the time, but now I can’t stand it. I don’t have the patience for it nor the interest. And I suck.
What matters is what you love to do now
What I love and look forward to now is writing. This moment right now is what I live for — losing myself in what I’m creating and not worrying or thinking about anything else. I love when the words flow, the sound of the keys, stringing words together, discovering, learning, expressing.
So, I realized — and I hope to remember this on the days I feel insecure (because God knows when or if they’ll ever end) — that what makes me a writer has nothing to do with what I loved to do when I was six or ten-years-old. It doesn’t matter that essays weren’t my favorite, or that I didn’t write poems in my free time. It doesn’t matter that I still didn’t like writing in high school or that I disliked my English class. It doesn’t even matter that I didn’t fall in love with writing until a year after high school.
The only thing that makes me a writer is that I write. The only thing that makes you an artist is that you draw or paint. Dancing makes you a dancer; singing makes you a singer; acting makes you an actor.
(And before I receive a comment about how, “You’re not a dancer just because you dance at parties if you suck, and don’t work on it every day,” or whatever. I know you know what I mean. I’m talking about passion and career choices.)
I am a writer because I love to write now. Because I do it every day.
Just because I didn’t love it as a kid, doesn’t mean I’m not meant to do it. Just because you didn’t like what you love right now when you were a child, doesn’t mean you can’t do it now. You’re allowed to discover passion and go all in with it at any age, no matter what you said, did, or felt in the past.