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Trolley Thoughts: Other People’s Regrets Should Not Be Your Own
“At the end of the day, those were his choices. Not mine.”
“At the end of the day, those were his choices. Not mine.”
This sentence, said by my superior at work, is sticking to me today like a piece of spaghetti on the wall.
Have you ever looked at someone — most likely a parent, sibling, or very close friend — and felt their pain so deeply it felt like your own? You would find the same cracks of their heartbreak on your own.
Empathy is a powerful emotion that allows us to connect with the people we love. It’s wonderful that we have this ability to be there for each other. But empathy has a dark side.
Since you feel almost exactly what the other person is feeling, you suddenly feel the need to take on their problem as if they’re your own. You want to jump onto their path and walk alongside them — even though you know you’re meant to be on another.
It’s out of the goodness of your heart. And sometimes, it’s necessary. Someone who is in need (of money or love or connection), sometimes needs exactly that. And it’s up to us to give it to them. (Parents, for example, do this with their children. But that’s a distinct matter.)
