When It’s 2 AM And You Don’t Know What To Do With Your Life

You feel a little someone stole a piece of you, and you don’t know where to begin looking for it.

It’s 1:20 AM, and you’re up binge-watching the latest Netflix series. You’re really enjoying it. It’s funny, there’s lots of action, and the good-looking characters are a perk. You’re lost in the show, and nothing is wrong with the world. Your mind is far away, on another planet, and it couldn’t get any better than that.

It’s 2:00 AM, and you’ve just finished the last episode of the season. Now to wait until next year to see what happens next after that cliffhanger. You turn off the television and lay back on your bed to stare at the ceiling. “Now what?” you think. “What do I do now?”

It’s 2:10 AM, and you fall asleep.

It’s 9:45 AM, and your neighbor’s vexatious dog just started yapping and woke you up. You were dreaming of the characters you’d just seen last night. Together you were fighting evil, kicking ass, and most importantly, winning. You force yourself to get up, and you take a shower.

It’s 11:00 AM, and you’re having a late breakfast — pancakes and scrambled eggs. You’re staring at the empty wall. You’re thinking about what to do with your day today. You’re feeling particularly motivated (for some strange reason), but you don’t know what to do with all of that motivation.

It’s 11:15 AM, and you’re sitting on the couch in shorts and a t-shirt. It’s scorching hot outside, and the weather is making you lazy. (The rain does that to you, too. And watching the leaves fall outside. And snowstorms.) You’re suddenly too tired to go out, so you turn on the TV.

It’s 12:05 PM, and you just finished rewatching a Breaking Bad episode. You get up, look outside, and despite the hot weather, it looks like a beautiful day. “I’ll go outside later,” you think.

It’s 9:00 PM, and you never went outside. You stayed in, and you read, and watched more TV, and you scrolled through social media, and you watched a couple trending videos, and you cleaned a bit, and you ate. But you never went outside.

It’s 1:20 AM, and you’re staring up at the ceiling as you lie on your living room carpet. You’re thinking about how it’s time you get your shit together.

It’s 2:00 AM, and you don’t know what to do with your life. You have a job and it pays the bills, but truth be told, you don’t like it. You’re not sad, but you’re not happy either. Even though you like Netflix, you don’t enjoy watching it all day. You feel a little empty inside, like someone has stolen a piece of you, and you don’t know where to begin looking for it.

It’s 2:10 AM, and you fall asleep. You fall asleep thinking, “Something needs to change.”

It’s 2:00 AM, and you’re in bed alone. You’re 80-years-old now. Your hair is gray, your body is weak, and you’re tired. You’re tired because nothing ever did change.

It’s 2:10 AM, and you fall asleep. This time you think, “I should’ve changed.” It’s your last thought because this time, you don’t wake up.

Originally published at http://thoughtcatalog.com on July 21, 2018.

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